#BF4ME | Be Still My Heart

The Good (Finding Joy)

1. My daughter wrote a blog about anxiety and tips on how to deal with it. It was a proud mama, joy-filled moment for me.

2. Our BFF meet-up on Wednesday reminded me of why I chose to take this journey publicly. Those humans who show up and allow vulnerability to be present in a room full of unknowns, are truly magnificent souls. Those conversations fill me up and bring me great joy. Watching people leave looking like a weight has been lifted, simply as a result of meaningful conversation, is nothing short of magical.

3. My week ended with a group of ladies who work together, and although I no longer put in hours there, I am graciously invited to their team events. Christmas dinner, laughter, saying tender goodbyes to a staff member who is a pillar of the company but is moving on...and a gift for each of us that holds rich meaning.

As I continue to look for and be mindful of joy in my life, I'm finding it! Grateful.

Okay, mushiness dealt with, I had a couple of journey wins too. As a result of writing down my food intake, it is in my face that my choices suck. I used to eat so healthy, and surprise, surprise, I felt good then! So, as I've committed to making small changes, I started to add in a quinoa salad with my nachos and cheese, choosing to make a much smaller plate of salty goodness. I said I'd cut out eating at night, which I've done really well with. With age comes that dreaded metabolism slow down, so I can't eat the portions I did even 10 years ago and get away with it. I've always known that, just didn't want to face it!

Every time I walk up or down stairs without having to lean against the wall, I could do a happy dance! The simple act of putting on my boots or shoes without leaning on a wall? Priceless! Progress.

My mind has shifted. I have a knowing, a confidence that I didn't have when I began three weeks ago, that I'm going to do this. I've taught my kids that we become what we focus on. It's not just b.s., it's scientific fact. As I write, I'm getting a glimpse of how re-jigging my own focus is beginning to turn the sails. Slow but sure, I'm on my way.

The Bad (Stuff that didn't go so well)

My activity levels are definitely still in the tank. The "fun" part is that I'm not content staying there. I did walk, but any attempts to push the use of my shoulder were met with too much pain. That will eventually get resolved, so in the meantime I will continue with walking.

The Ugly

I didn't realize how afraid of falling I am. As much as I was hoping to walk outside, I think I may need to find an inside track to use.

I can hardly look in the mirror and see me. All I see are my stomach rolls, my back fat and the grey, thinning roots sprouting on top of my head. While that may sound a bit pathetic, it's raw and real. For someone who was a size two before kids, it's not always easy to just accept the changes in my body, even though they're all teenagers now. Keep in mind that I worked for a modelling agency for three years (part time) and used to host/produce a tv program. Vanity ran deep and I fell prey to the societal norms and expectations of what "pretty" is/was. My body and my looks got attention. The turkey neck I now see wasn't part of the plan.

I'm looking forward to staying put for Christmas this year and having family at my house for the first time. Ever. I'm already finding joy before the week's even started!

What are some wins you can share? Or the bad, or the ugly. It all matters, and it's all part of the journey.